My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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