Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
