I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
