don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
