Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
