If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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