you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
