Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He felt like a one man threesome
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
