So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
