Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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