I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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