All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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