if only i could text you this smell
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
