How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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