I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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