Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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