seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
