I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
