How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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