I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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