can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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