We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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