every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
