I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
