He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
