So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's official drugs can't kill me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
