i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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