Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
