Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
