my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
