I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
