My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
