you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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