garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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