i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
