its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
