True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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