a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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