Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
