that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
