He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
