the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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