She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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