my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
