party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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