I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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