When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So gin and wine won't be happening again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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