I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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