that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
