I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
