Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
