Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
