If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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