he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
