My friends, they love my intelligence
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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