come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will be naked everywhere
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
