so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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