For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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