I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
