I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
