Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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