marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
