Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
