U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
