awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize