Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
