JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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