your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
