its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
