Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
