dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
