Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We got so high we made milksteak
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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