He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
