Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Found your dick twin last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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