apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize