Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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