Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
