I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she peed on how many people?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
