does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
