nut hugger
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize