Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
