I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
then he tried to convert me to islam
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up under a house in Key West
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