I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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